We often hear the words self-esteem, self-worth, and self-respect. What are they? Are they connected? How do these connect to our beliefs of being an Imposter?
Self-esteem is the opinion we form about ourselves and typically relies on external validation for a person to feel good about themselves. It is the need to hear “You did a great job” to feel good about oneself. Because it relies on external validation, it is inconsistent and often leads one to question if they are worthy or good enough. Thus making statements such as, “I feel like an imposter” or “I am struggling with Imposter Syndrome.” Self-worth is more stable and an internal sense of who I am, and knowing that I am adequate and deserving; deserving of love and belonging. Both self-esteem and self-worth can be improved by practicing self-compassion and cultivating relationships with people who appreciate you. Self-respect looks at how we value ourselves and usually shows up in how we set limits. It is how we show that we love ourselves. Usually, having a strong sense of self, and self-worth will motivate you to respect yourself and demand respect more. In embracing my worth, and knowing that I am deserving, I will require people to show me respect consistent with my self-worth.
Example of all three: Self-esteem- I believe I am adequate; Self-worth: I know I am adequate as I am; Self-Respect: I will demonstrate to you that I am worthy and how to love/respect/appreciate me (Boundaries)
Self-esteem problems are common among those trapped in the realm of "imposter syndrome," a topic I covered last month. I frequently hear people say things like, "I feel like an imposter," or "I think I have imposter syndrome," even after they achieved a level of success in their personal and professional lives. I have to challenge that assertion, and frequently follow up with a clarifying query, "What makes the other individual more qualified, efficient, and well-equipped than you? I urge people to reconsider their thoughts by considering the following: What makes that individual more qualified than me when I went through the same interviews, completed the same applications, showed up, and underwent the same tests? What distinguishes that individual from myself as the imposter?
And if those are questions I am asking myself, then I should consider who I am. Am I deserving of this position? Is this position deserving of me? And if you can answer that with a resounding “yes”, then you must ask yourself well how do I show these people or this person that I am worthy? It begins with self-respect! Where I create, exercise, and maintain my boundaries. It is me telling you, this is who I am. I am worthy! and I deserve to be in this role. It begins with me appreciating myself, having compassion for myself, and recognizing that it is ok to have self-doubt as long as I don't allow that self-doubt to drive my decisions and my behaviors, or to get in the way of me now questioning and invalidating who I am. Knowing my self-worth and understanding that my self-worth is consistent and not dependent on other people's observations, comments, and thoughts. Knowing that I can either allow my fears to drive me or recognize them for what they are- fears- and channel them into success…
I am not an imposter, I am a person struggling to manage a particular set of emotions and life challenges. With a healthy refrain and using the skill of compassion, I can rewrite my story because I am WORTHY!
With Love, Appreciation, and Compassion,
Dr. C
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